Fry's and their oddly themed stores

Fry's is for IT people what Home Depot is for most homeowners. It's a wondrous place of possibilities where you can easily spend a few hours just wandering around touching things and contemplating which USB hard drive enclosure is exactly right. And end up buying something you never knew you needed. Like a toilet and table saw.

It's also a place your significant other may have a standing rule about that sounds something like: "Under no circumstances are you to subject me to your wandering around Fry's even if you've been forced to follow me around Linens N Things outlet store for an entire morning". And we can all agree that's entire reasonable as Fry's is mecca or purgatory and nowhere in between.

The awesomeness of Fry's is that no one will come bother you. Never. It wont happen. No one will walk up to you and ask if you need help. In a Best Buy, people would flip out and blog about it on Consumerist but that's not what people want at Fry's. They want to be left alone to graze, wander, poke, prod and then select. There are some associates around and they're even helpful but you do have to find them and when you do you'll get what you need and they dissapear rather than attach themselves to you lie a lost harp seal.

At Fry's you're free to find just the right Pelican case, mini-fridge, motherboard, shrink-wrap tubing, self help book, complete some surveillance system, bucket of Fiddle Faddle, Shania CD, satellite dish mounting kit, electric nose hair trimmer and Small Aircraft monthly. The only indignity is in exiting the store where you're nearly patted down by the not-exactly-security people wielding highlighters armed with a strong "hey!" when you walk right past them.

OS Fundamentalism

IT people seem to really love their operating systems and some not only love their own but they have a lot of dislike for others. So much sometimes it's a bit scary. But really, whats the point? Why does it matter enough to get mad about? One isn't "right" and the other is "wrong" although Shiite's and Sunni's may take issue with that statement.

When there were was just the one computer, it was so unwieldy and expensive, people were just happy they didn't have to do math manually all the time. But soon enough, people could take them home and like Chevy and Mopar, Democrat and Republican, regular double double or animal style, Betty Ford and Promises Malibu, people came down hard on one side or the other. And whoa to anyone who dare say anything different.

The funny thing about the OS "wars" is that it's really just persoanl a perception from what side a person is on. The LINUX folk just like ther system and find the other ones silly and less useful. PC users like what they have but are happy to complain about issues that they live with but Mac people, it's a little touchy there. They really dislike PCs. It's almost important to hate PCs in order to like Macs. But for PC people, that just doesn't resonate. In fact most PC people like macs if only for the nice design and UI.

It's sort of like the LA and San Francisco "thing" People in SF HATE LA and people from LA. It's part of their culture to hate all things LA. On the other hand, people from LA, they could care less about San Francisco and most have little or no opinion at all other than "Isn't it that place up therewhere my Gmail account lives?" It's not even part of the consciousness. But when you consider people in LA wear Ugg boots with yoga pants, you can sort of see why.

In the end what ties IT people together on this is that we all love technology in all of it's shapes and sizes and that should be enough.

Let Me Google That For You, The Big Sarcastic Sigh

IT people are followed by a terrible stigma that they're snarky and sarcastic when people come to them for help outside of the office. Sometime in the office as well, sadly. It's often a bad rap, but sadly a lot of IT people fir the mold.

Iit's oftenthe function of 2 things, they're "off-duty" so being asked "can you just have a look at my laptop, my grandson is on Myface all night and now I have internet worms" can get a little old and that the feeling is, people give up too quickly on things and run to the tech guy for help without even trying.

Both things happen enough that the just-below-the-surface nerd hostility can come out and when they do, it's a heavy helping of snark. Let Me Google That For You is an overtly hostile way to say "was is so damn hard for you to go to google.com and ask 'change time on panasonic VCR-120'". Does it get the point across? Yes. Does it irritate the crap out of the person who asked for help? Yes.

For more complex problems, IT people use a process. This process has been secret for a long time but XKCD (we'll get to that) was nice enough to share it with the world. I believe that now fixes all computer and technology difficulty and IT people can go off and get the real jobs they want. Playing World of Warcraft in a kaftan is not a job. FYI.

ASCII Art

Long long ago when graphics cards did nothing more than put green (sometimes amber) letters on a black screen, people had whatever was on their WYSE / WANG keyboard to express themselves.

What are the first things the cavemen did after they worked out the fire stuff? Paint. What did they paint? Women.

ASCII art allowed IT guys to make pictures and the first pictures they made were of... Right. Immediately after that they went for other low hanging fruit like the USS Enterprise and Stephen Hawking.

Rather than let that artform die and it is really an art form, it continued on and ultimately there were ASCII art converters that turned video into motion ASCII art. Unsurprisingly one of the very first things converted was...wait for it... Behind the Green Door. IT folk are certainly consistent...

Is it still prevalent? You tell me.

Pocky - The Super Snack

Pocky sticks are as good as cash, if not better for bribery of IT people. It's not really magical but it is a Japanese snack which is good geek cred. This simple of exquisite snack is simply biscuit dipped in chocolate. But it's not as simple as that. It's a lot more. What exactly? I'm not entirely sure but the combination of cool Japanese thing and chocolate may be the key. Do you really need more than that?

DANGER: A large Asian grocery store may carry bulk Pocky. Now understand that IT people are sort of powerless around a single box of Pocky. A case of it could cause serious problems or at the very least, sugar induced hallucinations and some vomiting.

Lolcats

Ever notice that a lot of the lolcats pictures are around computers? Coincidence? Er, no. IT people and their cats (actual cats seem to be popular too) seem to be in the habit of impromptu photo sessions. I wont read too much into it and just assume that camera phones are just very convenient and often close by.

There seem to be a small minority of loldogs but those pictures just turn into cute puppy pictures and that's just not cool at all. But funny cat pictures, very cool. Clear? Good.

Hot Sci-Fi Girls

It's not a far stretch from unattainable to downright fictional. But since we're talking fiction, why not a cute alien girl? Where did it all start? In modern times it's got to be Erin Gray as Col. Wilma Deering in Buck Rogers. I'm fency about Carrie Fisher, her brother just creeped me out too much so I'm put off by association.

Some guys really had a thing for Seven of Nine. Not sure what that's about but ok. The cyborginess of that seems a bit much but hey, we all have our thing, no? Perhaps the penultimate would be Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science. Apparently she's exactly what happens when IT guys decide to make a cute girl.

By extension, if IT people make a machine that becomes self aware ending up being too awkward and embarassed of it's now uncool parents, destroys everyone it can in a nuclear war on humans and in turn makes a hot robot girl, she would turn out well too it seems. So, that's comforting.

You're Doing it Wrong - Movies

There are few things that make an IT person more upset than going to a movie and seeing IT as interpreted by the art department. Intrigue movies like spy films or worse films with hacking that have screens where the text scrolls onto the screen with clikety sounds like a sound-accompanied 300 baud modem terminal session. The rage in the threater seat is palpable. It just ruins the film.

Worse are the GUIs that make simple things like composing an email some sort of 3D flipping text editor. And more of that clickety clack crap. And dont get them started voice command systems or robots or pretty much anything with a plug that doesnt realisticaly reflect how things actually work. It's like taking a bomb tech to a movie and watching his eyes roll sarcastically when the person on the other end of the phone tells him to look for a blue wire.

Someone was nice enough to put together a list of pretty much all the films where computers / hacking was involved and rated them as to how realistic they are. Another guy was so annoyed he just made a list of annoyances. On the Annoyances website no less. Thats how serious we are about this stuff.

Digg, the People's Fark

Wait a sec, I like Fark. I do. The labels alone [Florida] are worthy of a lifetime achievement award in snark. But Digg is Fark for the masses.

Anyone can Digg something and people push it up or down. It's democracy in action. Diggers as they call themselves (I'm a peripheral Digger) seem to like a few things, nudity, fail, politicians doing bad things, Anonymous, cool picture collections (space, nudity, fail... pattern evolving), articles referencing Digg or Diggers, stats, weird news, and Dont Taze me Bro.

But mostly IT people like it because they can find new, cool stuff and show off what they found to other IT people. It's sort of a big closed feedback loop.

Play Him Off Keyboard Cat

There is something truly compelling about the random and bizarre. What is that something, I have no clue but keyboard cat embodies that notion of LOL and ... "It's really funny but I'm not sure I get it". Sort of like All Your Base. I loved that and still have no idea why or what it meant. ::SIGH:: memories...

IRC

You mat think IT people are all about advanced technology. Bahhahahahaha ROFLCopter (more on ROFLCOPTER later). You mist be joking. One of the FIRST things that gets installed ona new computer after PUTTY is an IRC application. IRC? It's Internet Relay Chat. Think of it as the steam tunnels of chat. It's like open chat rooms in the time of Mad Max. You have to know where the IRC servers are, how to get in, the commands to talk to the bots (even more if you want to download things from the bots) and the whole language of chatting in IRC. Sure, that safe AIM window is open but there is a little window in the corner, possibly on another screen that you don't see (we sometimes set up a third or fourth monitor in a drawer).

Is it shady? Absolutely. Well, it can be but for the most part IT people use it to both ask really hard system questions to other people in their rooms or be there to answer and sometimes abuse people for asking questions. "stupid NOOB, why don't you RTFM before you get /k'd from this server".

All while updating their FB status with something about what cool wall-mounted suction cup USB controlled foam dart launcher they got from ThinkGeek. And that they now need 2 LCD rear-view-mirrors and a screen-change foot switch...

Hacked Firmware

Nothing is ever to be left as it came from the factory. The whole point of being in IT is predicated on the fact that we're here to TAME and IMPROVE technology. If not break it and buy a replacement on eBay and then posting about what you learned. Therefore, whatever we use, buy, or even borrow (you know you do this, you bircked your mom's RAZR) we update the firmware to the latest rev at the very least but more often, we go out looking for upgraded hacked firmware to properly mod it.

The first one that gets hit is the DVD player. Instant region-free hack and codec support. That goes without saying. Then some upconversion options and then some AC3 tweaks. Can it play a DVD-RW DL XviD movie? Yes? Perfect. Can it play that BBC Home Video DVD of The IT Crowd? Yes? Rock on.

Now, time to jailbreak the iPhone. Not that you're going to put any apps on it that you didn't get from the Apple store or that you want to insert a Vodaphone SIM, it just has to be done. Principle? Why am I locked out of something I paid for? The legal answer is kind of obvious, you're really just licensing what you paid for, not the rest. But that argument seems to fall on a few deaf ears.

Next, take the old XBox and turn it into a media center with entirely new software then off to upgrade mom's RAZR with some new themes, and upgrade the Linksys router from a $60 device to a fully features, LINUX based router with QoS and traffic shaping.

Why take these seemingly functional, serviceable devices and turn them into twitchy devils that need constant care and feeding? I think to add life to things that would otherwise be EOL, add cool functionality that is sometimes useful or enable things that "should" have worked from the get go. But at a more existential level you may have to ask J.F. Sebastien. Sometimes we want to just be in the company of our own creations.

Using Command Prompt Commands and Arguments in conversation

"Oh, I would RM-R that whole shelf with the Solaris manuals. There's no need for them or anything else up there."

It's not enough to simply use the command to get the point across where RM is UNIX for ReMove but the argument, -R, making it recursive adds superior nerd cred and ultimate cleverness. I'd send a copy of the LS to another directory, just to I have arecrod... but thats me...

Trumping that may involve using alternate commands, perhaps MV to DEV/NUL or if someone dare DEL *.* but a DOS vs. LINUX battle would be bloody and sort of one sided. Foam swords may be required to properly settle the dispute.

Slashdot

Tech people "in the know" love quoting slash dot articles almost as much as MBAs like quoting the WSJ or even better the FT.

It's not so much that they're telling you something amazing, mind blowing or even something not already in USA today, it's that they're telling you that they read slash dot. And you dont.

Epic Fail FTW!

As it is in binary it is in IT. It is Epic Fail or FTW. It's pretty simple. No gray area, no sort of. It's a plane in a ditch or a dog jumping off a horse to catch a frisbee. Or a security camera pointing at the back of a monitor.

While people do put more effort into the Epic Fail (or it's slightly less disasterour sibling plain old Fail) The FTW (For The Win) pics are often just as good if not better. Eitehr way, they're all good for a smile and a tiny url.

4Chan

4Chan is the ultimate in tech insider meme engine. Lolspeak and All Your base and 1000 other things come from 4Chan. Some good some terrible, many memorable and most not attributed. It just floats out into the atmosphere and people have no idea where it came from.

If you've never been there, it's probably not for you. in fact you may see thigns there that you cannot unsee. Really. I warned you.

If you have been there then go to /b/ and say it with me MOAR, NAO!

What we like

First, it was "things white people like", then it was "things marketing people love", now its IT People and we're going to shine! Perhaps shine is the wrong word. Flail in such a way as to bring shame on your home. That's closer to the right sentiment.

IT people are a special group of people who have a love for technology so great that they spend their lives as caretakers to a wide array of software and hardware at each end of the crap-to-awesome spectrum. Although we all come from disperate backgrounds, we share common threads as a larger community. Some good, some bad, most odd and often a bit ofputting if not outright weird. We love the odd, the techie, the inside joke, the hack, the mod, firsties, and are always quick to tell you it's a trap. Or a tarp. And if you dont get that, that's ok. For now.

It's my mission to highlight these threads and laugh, cry, and hopefully wince a little at some community self-deprication. Join me on this journey into the technophile heart of darkness.

-Lionel